IDK

An ukht asked me few days ago,

What's your 5-year plan?

And that question left me hanging (of course, I didn't say anything)...because I haven't been planning at all. 

Well, maybe there are some things I'd like to achieve in 5-years time. 

But truth is, I haven't really plan that well at all. 

Every single day, I've been thinking that I am going to die today.

And that thought, I guess in a way, makes me very pessismistic that I am going to live for another day. 

Maybe I am growing pessimistic after all. 

I've been thinking that I do not want to get married, just because so I will have one in Jannah (if I were to get into it). 

Man, this is all getting wrong. But I think you get what I mean. 

All I've been thinking, every single day, is that "If I were to die today, will I enter Jannah" ?

Hmmm. 

P/S : Truth is, my lifelong goal is to attain iman that of Abu Bakr. But I am nowhere close sadly :/

Nafas

Sepertinya, kali ini Allah temukan aku dengan mereka mereka itu untuk nafas baru barangkali.

:')

Sepertinya kembali menghirup udara segar, setelah lama di dasar laut.

Dan sentuhan al-ukht as-sodiqah sentiasa menyengat hati aku.

Barangkali hubungannya dengan Sang Maha Pencipta begitu dekat , akrab...hinggakan tempiasnya terkena diriku yang marhaen ini.

Akhlak dan peribadinya yang mulia buat aku cemburu terkadang, kerna aku begitu ingin tahu apa rahsianya..

Ku kira, itu hasil daripada iman yang sodiq (benar). Kerna daripada iman itu, akan terpancarlah segalanya dari dalam diri ke luar diri.

Subhanallah, Allah itu Maha Hebat. Kerana temukan aku dengan satu jiwa yang begitu ikhlas.

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She's that muslimah who always find ways to be the first to do kheir

She's that muslimah who works behind the scenes

She's that muslimah who is quiet, and talks only when needed

She's that muslimah who reminds me whenever I am heedless

She's that muslimah who always find hikmah behind everything happening in her life

She's that muslimah who is very independent, and have full tawakul in her God's plans

She...is that muslimah whose heart is close to her Rabb and full of Him, only.

May Allah bless you dear ukhti :)

It's Time

to be honest.

Honestly, I didn't want to write this, but my hands are typing. Hence, I wrote anyways.

*BIG PATS ON THE BACK*

These past few days, I've been thinking lots.

And that means, I tried staying away from good amounts of people.

I know, I am that weird girl with this personality that I always need some time alone in a month for personal reflection.

Usrah hasn't been going on for few weeks already in this gersang city, and I am feeling out of touch.

Seriously, I never felt there's any improvement since I landed my feet in Malaysia. Well, except for the time I was in Seremban.

And truth is; Fikrah makin mencair.

Frustrated, yeah. Definitely.

Seriously feels like crying sometimes, because I think I am of those people who are "tertapis".

Tried to justify things, and be an optimist. But the pessimism is just overbearing sometimes...

And tried telling the stories to few people, but they all seemed not to get it because I'm the one with complicated psychology, who doesn't want them to understand either.

Or maybe this is one of the perks of being an introvert.

So, itsokay...

So, back to the basic. Go back and talk to Allah.

Or let Him talk to you through His ayaat.

Salah satu nikmat jadi seorang Muslim, is that you'll find consolations from Allah through a lot of different ways. Sungguh lazat nikmat ini terasa...

And one of them is, reading through and through, tadabbur-ing my favorite surah in the Quran, surah An-Noor.

Its just, from its name, the surah always...always give me lights back...to Him.

"Okay, we are turning to Suratul-Nur, the thirty-fifth ayat....sadaq'Allahul azeem. Now brothers, this is called the Ayat of Nur, or Light. Scholars throughout the centuries have tried to find the correct interpretation, but the true meaning is known to Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala and nobody else except He wills. Brother Yusef, would you like to read the English interpretation?"

"Aodhu billahi mina shaytani rajeem," I said quickly under my breath, "bismillahi rahmanir raheem."

"Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of his Light is as if there were a niche and in it a lamp, the lamp enclosed in glass.The glass as it were a brilliant star lit from a blessed tree; an olive, neither of East nor West, whose oil would almost glow forth though no fire had touched it. Light upon light! Allah guides to His Light whom He wills and Allah sets forth parables for man, and Allah knows all things."

'Jazakullah khair," said Umar. "Now brothers, first we need to note that Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala tells us that this is a parable, so that is how we need to look at it. Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala is the Light of the heavens and the earth. Light is the warmth, warmth is life. In the pre-Islamic days, people used to think the sun was Allah subahanahu wa ta'Ala because when the sun seemed to make them warm and cause their crops to grow.But in reality, Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala is the real Light because without Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala there is no sun. And though we think the sun is this great big thing, so many millions of times larger than our own earth, it is smaller than other stars and its light and warmth extends to only a tiny corner of a tiny corner of even this galaxy. But you see, Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala's Light is everywhere, throughout the universe."

        "Now Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala's Light is like a lamp inside a niche. Brothers, in the olden days people would build a niche in their wall and place the light in that niche, and they would build the niche high so the light could shine throughout the room. The niche is made especially for this Light; and the glass, you know, it reflects the Light, the Light shines through it; so if Allah is the Light, all these devices through which He shines are the creation, the created universe. Just as you can look to the stars and feel rushes of iman come over you, or look at the ocean and tremble with appreciation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'Ala's Will, or look at the animals or even at your own bodies-your internal processes, your fingerprints, your eyes, your brain, your skin, our reproductive systems, the development of fetus in the womb-these are all Allah's Light shining through His created things.

        "And the glass, it says, is like a brilliant star lit from a blessed tree neither East nor West. If something is only in the East, it is cold and dark when the sun is shining upon the West. And vice versa. But this tree is neither East nor West, it is never cold and dark. It receives Allah's Light all the time."

        Umar closed his Qur'an, cupped his hands and led us gently in a lengthy du'a. then we rubbed our hands down our faces and got up.

It's definitely o-kay, if people doesn't need me anymore, or can't handle me anymore, but Allah...

He's the One who will always be there, to lift me up and pat me on the back, whispering, "La tahzan, inni ma'aki" :')

Another is, reading the Mathurat Kubra.

Whenever I read it, there's always this gush of feeling, lepas habis baca mathurat kubra, taktahu kenapa mesti ada rasa kelazatan yang tak tahu nak cerita macamana dekat orang lain...

The heart felt very consoled after reading it.

Allah, it's definitely okay if people do not understand me,

But as long as You understand and accept me, that should be more than enough.

Really. Really.

Aku nak jadi dai'e yang betul betul berjiwa hamba.

I Still Remember

All of these memories are playing vividly in my head.

The first time I was off on a plane en route to USA.

And we step our feet upon United Kingdom, and had several walks to and fro through the shops we managed to get by. Some even had the chance to drink Costa, the famous coffee there.

Then, we were up again soaring through the sky to land our feet on Columbus.

We're hit by realization that we were, in fact, in the United States of America when the cold blazing crispy autumn-ish air caress our faces :)

(And I still remember thinking how weird our seniors were, wearing sandals and short pants in the middle of this cold air!)

At one point, the first time I got to travel in USA was a trip to Pennsylvania. For an event, called Journey Through the Quran. And it was so very interesting, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. First time meeting Amalina too, after such a long time...

Then the most memorable trip for Tamrin '10 in Buffalo, NY. I bet that trip and a whole lot of people involved with it made it most memorable. I'd say, this was the first beat of dakwah & tarbiyah, and how it really changed my friends and my perspectives to a bigger view of dnt. Our first snow experience was also there :') My first frozen trip to Niagara Falls too.

I still am stuck with this memory forever in my life. How pure it all began...how beautiful DnT really felt at that time. I guess it struck deep in my heart. The messages/taujihat given at that time is still clear in my head. I still remember who gave what, and who said what.

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I still remember that one time pre-Muktamar we had before heading to our very first time Muktamar in Missouri. We boarded the Megabus from Columbus - Indianapolis and had the kakak-kakaks Purdue fetch us. We were so excited going out of our state for the first time, we packed foods for our trip ^__^"

And, there we met Azimah for the first time. We had wonderful time in Purdue, subhanaLlah :') We ice-skated (for the first time ever in US!) there, and we made *ahem* great videos on Sayonara Jahiliyah.

Post Muktamar, we was brought to a delightful cabin at Lake Ozark, Missouri. Allah, I can't even tell how beautiful the place was. Where a vast, bluish lake overlooking the cabin. And there was a lighthouse too. You can bet all the other Allah's creations were continuously doing dzikr. Nature...is simply wonderful ! Here, we met Hazirah and Aqilah, Seha, and Zetty, and Shuque and Farah Liyana. And here, Amalina introduced me to Outlandish :)


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I still remember that time where I paid visits to Vandy. Where I had no clue whatsoever why I was there (just kidding ;p) and didn't really know the people there (well, maybe three people).

And there, I met my anak usrah and one of them went MIA. And the others tried calling her, but can't reach her, and these bunch of caring people just decided to go to this place Idontevenknowthename, and bought food for her (because we thought she was sick). And we put all the food in this paper bag we decorated so lovely, and secretly went to her dormitory and tried knocking her door several times, but to no avail, nobody answered.

So we just left the lovely paperbag-gift outside her door.

I still remember the walk I had with the Vandy seniors and Shira and Ain very early morning for qiamullayl to this one gathering place Idontevenknowthename. A basement room where it has a connecting cooking room beside it. Pretty useful, ey? Bagus untuk buat program underground huehue ;)

And that night, we decided to have dinner at this Arab diner, and these bunch of sweet anak usrah secretly treat me. Thankyou :')

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Skip skip skip to the final year~

I still remember during SSG, truly it was hard having Shira the only capable driver to drive to Reeds Spring, Missouri. A journey that took us more than a day to get there..It was crazy, ain't it? But she was, and is truly a great person. And admirable one, a very patient person mashaAllah.

We went to Indiana first, then proceeded to the cabin where we arrived late. The weather was quite hot at that time as it was nearly summer. But having sisters there, ahhh the weather didn't even matter. And the fact that I get to meet my anak usrah, that was indispensable :)

On our journey back, we went to IUB back to send sisters there and then to Notre Dame. God, I just love this place because it reminded me that moment where Shira and I were dead tired...and we planned to have just a nap (30mins or so). But we hadn't had a good sleep since Shira was driving the whole time, and I was trying so hard not to sleep when she drove (but I did, anyways =__="), and we had such a long journey to and fro from Bloomington to Notre Dame, hence we slept for 2 hours plus or so on the cozy sofa outside the dormitory hallways.

And we ran late to return the car...and Shira sped, and the police (as always) caught us. Shira went straight to work after that, and so we...returned the car later that day.

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There are lots of moments that I can't forget forever i.e., jaulah, daurah moments. And I still have them well kept in my heart.

Truth is, I missed 'em a lot.

Hence, this long windy post.

عَنْ أَبي هُرَيرَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم: (لاَ تَحَاسَدوا، وَلاَتَنَاجَشُوا، وَلاَ تَبَاغَضُوا، وَلاَ تَدَابَروا، وَلاَ يَبِعْ بَعضُكُم عَلَى بَيعِ بَعضٍ، وَكُونوا عِبَادَ اللهِ إِخوَاناً، الـمُسلِمُ أَخو الـمُسلِم، لاَ يَظلِمهُ، وَلاَ يَـخذُلُهُ، وَلا يكْذِبُهُ، وَلايَـحْقِرُهُ، التَّقوَى هَاهُنَا - وَيُشيرُ إِلَى صَدرِهِ ثَلاَثَ مَراتٍ - بِحَسْبِ امْرِىءٍ مِن الشَّر أَن يَحْقِرَ أَخَاهُ الـمُسلِمَ، كُلُّ الـمُسِلمِ عَلَى الـمُسلِمِ حَرَامٌ دَمُهُ وَمَالُه وَعِرضُه) رواه مُسلِمٌ

On the authority of Abu Hurairah Radhiyallahu 'anhu, The Messenger of Allah sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, Do not envy each other, or do najasy (in trading), hate each other, turn away each other, and do not buy any things being offered by others. O The Servants of Allah, turn yourself into kinship. One moslem is a sibling of others, therefore it is not allowed to oppress, neglect, lie to them, and undermines them. Fear of Allah is here (the prophet was pointing to his chest three times). The degree of bad things in each moslem is comparable to his action in undermining his Moslem sibling. Each moslems blood is unlawful, even if his provision, and his honor. (Muslim)

May Allah bless you all, wherever you guys are.

FihifziLlah wa fi amaaniLlah <3