Overwhelmed

Do you have a heart? Don't tell lies. Everyone does have a heart. Now ask yourself this question: "How is my heart doing? Is he fine? Or, is she fine?" Or do you need another question? Or do you need to ask somebody else about the condition of your heart? Need not! Because only you know, how well is your heart.

Sometimes it makes me ponder by just looking at the leaves. The one that is so green, fresh and alive. I ask myself a question: "Am I similar to that leaves? Or the one that falls off the ground? The one that people walk on."

Silence.

Now I ask you a question. What do you feel when looking at the leaves? Or you cannot relate it to your life? Why am I comparing lives with leaves? What is the significance?

See, leaves, they are very strong. They stick to the branches of the trees. Come down rain nor strong wind, they stick! Unless it is already the time for them to let it go, they let it go. When leaves die, they becomes detached and gust will flew them anywhere. As time goes by, the leaves starts to dry. Or they even actually dried since they were at the branches, thus making them fall down, sucked by gravity. And later, when the leaves turned brown, they start to be able crack, making a crunchy sound when crushed. And do you know what happens next? They got burned! Once becoming too dry, they are simply lighted, leaving dust and soot.

Now, the same goes to your heart, my heart, our heart! Once it dries, it becomes dead. And a dead heart goes to that one place I'd rather not say. Question is, how does it becomes dead? Possibly when we have too much entertainment, being too far from the right track, disobeying what we're ought to do, ignoring our parents and most importantly, forgetting our Creator. Get that?

Think!

Now close your eyes, relax yourself and look deep into your heart. Search for your heart. Do you find it? Do you find your heart? Keep looking, until you find it. Is it nothing you see but pitch black? Probably too much darkness has resides in your heart, making it impenetrable even by light. First, you need to remove that blanket of darkness which has enveloped your heart.

Think! Think of all the bad deeds you've made. As much as you can remember. Do it! Picture it as if you are watching a movie of yourself doing the awful things. Then, what do you feel about it? Do you feel bad? Do you regret it? Let go of your feelings, your emotions, let go of your tears.

Do you think it's worth it of doing it? What would people think if they see you doing this in front of them? Do you want to stop doing it? And in the future, do you want to repeat these mistakes? Aren't you tired of doing this? Yes? It is yes?

Open your eyes slowly.

See the light that enters your eyes. Imagine that as the light that just entered your heart. Outshining the darkness that has been residing in your heart for ages. And now, it's gone.

But beware! It will comes back. So you mustn't stop doing this. You mustn't stop repenting, for this is just the beginning to start a new. For a new end. No man, no matter how great shall know his own destiny.

And that destiny, is what you choose now!

"We humans, should never stop repenting for we sinned so long as the sun shines."

-a kopipes entry-

Taujih

Alhamdulillah, Allah beri kesempatan untuk melawat seorang ukht yang dah lamaaa saya nak pi rumah dia :)

Walaupun haritu praktikal di Seremban, dan rumah dia di Rembau..tapi nak katanya super bizi (err taktau le buat apo kat Somban tu haa bizi sangat) memang tak terpergi jugak. 

Tapi subhanaLlah harini, akhirnya dapat juga pergi rumah dia, sekali dengan mak & abah saya pergi melawat dia:)

Daripada ziarah itu, saya belajar dan dapat observe banyaaak sangat. Sebabnya dapat jumpa mak dan ayah ukht ni, dan juga adik-beradik dia jadi dapat lihat macamana suasana rumah dia dan interaksi mereka. 

I personally treasure the moments at her house. Because now I truly understand her hardship, struggles and difficulties. What's her tests to stay tsabat. 

Apparently my parents and her parents clicked cuz somehow Allah gave them this mysterious chemistry bond :p

Ukhti A, uhibbuki fillah abadan abada. Walaupun kita kenal dekat US tak sampai 3 tahun & bukan dari kolej prep yang sama pun & dari lain uni, tapi seems like we had this inexplicable connection. 

I can talk to you and confide when I have probs ( in DnT esp), and we striked our weapons well. Like we've known each other for years. I truly cherish having you as one of my akhawati alhmahboobah <3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Last but not least, ada dia pun berpesan. 

"Kita mengharapkan dakwah ini yang akan menjadi saksi waktu kita hidup di muka bumi ini kita penuhkan dengannya daripada waktu itu kita buang dengan hal yang sia-sia.

Kita mengharapkan dakwah ini menjadi penghapus dosa dan menjernihkan hati kita di saat kita sendiri adalah para dua’t yang lemah, yang tidak tertinggal daripada melakukan kesalahan.

Kita mengharapkan dakwah ini akan menjadi peneman hidup kita di saat manusia yang lain seolah menidakkan kehadiran kita di atas muka bumi ini.

Begitu tinggi harapan kita kepada dakwah.

Apakah harapan dakwah kepada kita ?

Jawabnya, tiada.

Dakwah tidak pernah berharap kepada kita.

Cuma kita yang berharap kepadanya.

Harapan kita yang paling tinggi semoga dakwah ini menerima segala amalan kita yang tidak seberapa ini dan sentiasa memberi peluang kepada kita untuk beramal dengannya."

TT__TT

Waqi'

Dah...lama dah nak cerita perihal waqi' ini. 

Tapi nak fokus cerita orang tengah dengan belah kanan tu. 

Just so I would not forget these memories;

I am truly thankful to Allah for presenting me with these lot of people who I met last Tuesday. 

It's a wonder, truly that Abah & Mak gave me permission to drive all the way to Pendang. No less with friends on the ride. 

When I first met this girl in the middle, we were attending USKAB at Pusat Dakwah, the masjid next to City Plaza (now known as UTC). 

It's unbelievable you know, to meet her again. As usrahmate, no less :') 

The first time we met, we were of different course, she was studying in Johor and I was about to fly to USA. Chances of ever meeting again, was prolly ZERO ! 

But guess what, Allah, with His magnificent power, somehow brought us  together on this road again. 

4 years later. 

And on that Tuesday, I was driving the car while she was the passenger. And she was the one who start recounting stories as I was driving back to Alor Setar. As usual, I only listened but really, I was crying in my heart. 

This girl, she is such a strong-willed and determined person. She comes to usrah from her house using bus. To reach the nearest bus station at her house, she had to walk outside her village first. Please tell me how many people can do that, even ? TT___TT 

And she told me, every morning she wakes up at 5-ish and helps her mom to pack nasi lemak. And then she went off sending nasi lemak to nearby buyers :'( Prolly by walking. I can't even fathom doing that. 

See how manja I am?

She is truly a God-sent gift to support me here, in Kedah. It's like having Harun one more time. This time, she's a Kedahan, just like me :)

As for the other girl on the right side, she is a SPECIAL God-sent gift all the way from Gombak. Holy schmolly, she even had this name that I liked since forever. 

And she, is one of the BM products (if you know what I mean). 

This girl, she's younger than the two of us but she's got that aura that resonates bright to people around her. 

She's a medical student by the way (not to emphasize the medical) but, you know how medical students are super busy. 

But she's so independent, and free-will, and so so willing to work on anything.

One look at her, and you'll say, " Whoa, this girl is a SUNSHINE!" Err because she just shines with faith and hopes :)

She said she likes being here, in Kedah. Wow, really? Hearing that coming off from someone who spent most of her life in the central area aka the hearbeat of tarbiyah...that's just something !

Even if she's a BM product, she likes to work things on her own. Meaning, mencari tarbiyah itu sendiri walaupun mak dengan ayah dia boleh je sangat nak guide dia here and there. 

But, here she is saying she wants to stay here, even. Ohhh how irony :'( I've been wanting to settle down over there, and here is one soul who is dedicated to "suburkan" Kedah...

As I am finished with the story of these two gifts, I could not but think, that there must be something that Allah wants me to learn from the two of them. 

And honestly, I can't wait! I can't wait to discover new things with the people here who are on the same road. 

Maybe, after all, there are some things to be relished here :)

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) related to us that Allah says: 

      "I am as My servant thinks of Me. I am with him when he remembers Me. If he mentions Me within himself, I mention him within Myself. If he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in a better assembly. If he comes near to Me a handspan, I come near to him the distance of a cubit. If he comes near to Me the distance of a cubit, I come near to him the distance of two outspread arms. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running." 

[Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6856) and Sahîh Muslim(4832)] 

Spot On

There are three main types of perfectionism: self perfectionism – where you expect perfection from yourself; social perfectionism – where you believe others expect you to be perfect; and other perfectionism – where you expect others to be perfect. All three examples can be happiness busters. Being perfect is an unrealistic goal for you to place on yourself or others. Constantly falling short of the unattainable will continuously keep you blue.

I am terribly sorry, I think I just had too much time on my hands...astaghfirullah. 

But I kept promise to myself to write, hence I am :)

The above quote is somewhat relatable to most of us.

What makes me think most is that, how we as muslim/ah align perfectionism parallel with our core values in Islam (if that ever make sense) ?

And of course, what makes perfectionism as hindrance for happiness ?

Does perfectionism only exist once we're in Jannah ?

Questions to ponder...

Takut ke Tak?

I am a walking contradiction.

Hence, I need this reminder so bad.

Wah, rasa macam nak print & lekat kat dinding pun ada.

From Riyadhus Salihin Chapter 24 : Chastisement for one who enjoins good and forbids evil but acts otherwise.

"O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do". (As-Shaf: 2-3)

198. Usamah bin Zaid (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "A man will be brought on the Day of Resurrection and will be cast into Hell, and his intestines will pour forth and he will go round them as a donkey goes round a millstone. The inmates of Hell will gather round him and say: `What has happened to you, O so-and-so? Were you not enjoining us to do good and forbidding us to do evil?' He will reply: `I was enjoining you to do good, but was not doing it myself; and I was forbidding you to do evil, but was doing it myself".

[Bukhari and Muslim]

Manjanyaaa !

Kata seorang kakak ini,

Bila Rasulullah menyampaikan risalah islam ni, mmg ramai org anggap baginda gila. Sebab tauhid islam menyuruh utk sembah Tuhan yg satu yang ghaib. Apa lagi peristiwa isra' mi'raj. 

Da'wah ini mmg satu kerja gila. Berkorban utk org lain. Diri sendiri tak senang. Tak mewah. Selalu dilemma antara study @ da'wah. Keluarga @ da'wah.

Kita ni tak pernah rasa org anggap kita gila mcm Rasulullah dah kena dulu. Sbb tak rasa buat kerja gila. Sbb x pernah rasa susah.

SUSAH SIKIT MERUNGUT.. daie manja memang banyak merungut !

Age Gap

doesn't matter that much.

Speechless when makcik A came to visit last Thursday. 

And, seriously terharu. (Sebab I had the nerve to be such a jerk on that day)

She is literally the walking existence of this ayah: 

(Al Fussilat 41:34)

And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. 

For that, thankyou Allah for this friendship. It's hard to find people who can see goodness in others and be kind like her these days...

Lainnya kan, orang yang ditarbiyah. Like, seriously these makciks are rocking the world (dakwah & tarbiyah style) !

On the side note, every single human soul in this world is good because that's just their fitra, aight ?

What makes its more wonderful is that when the soul undergoes tarbiyah, the goodness shine even brighter subhanaLlah. Allah is the Greatest !

I've been thinking a lot these days about the system. Manipulating every single neuron in my mind to translate the ideas into actions.

How do, we want to tarbiyah or takwin people if they're still struggling with their own troubles ?

Dear ukht shared with me, that in order to do so, you gotta solve the problem they're having first. 

Contohla kan (eh terbahasa pulak), saudara terdekat kita ini seorang yang  dibelenggu dengan kemiskinan. Katakan kita nak terus ajak masuk usrah, rasa-rasa nak ke idok dia join kita ? Like, seriously, in all honesty, please answer that from the bottom of your heart. 

Oleh itu, kerja harus berstrategi ster !

And one more thing I learnt recently, you are not targeting everybody to join usrah (no, i'm not saying don't do that), but what I really meant is that, in actuality the purpose of doing dakwah fardiyah to our circles of influence is to try at least having them support your ideas. Dalam bahasa melayunya, menyokong fikrah kita :)

Contoh kata, kalau kita nak pergi usrah, mak ayah kita pun dah boleh terima, tidak menghalang sekeras-kerasnya. Ataupun rakan-rakan sekerja boleh menerima sekiranya kita bicara tentang islam bersama mereka. 

Alhamdulillah, itu sahaja...Janganlah kita menjadi terlalu idealis untuk terlalu menginginkan mereka menjadi seperti ibu bapa ikhwah akhawat hasil BM ya. Eh, tapi tak kata impossible pun atau salah kalau kita nak mengusrahkan mak ayah kita, cumanya mungkin agak mencabar sikitlah ya. Personally, fikir saya, punya abah emak yang punya mentaliti islami itu yang lebih penting pertama-tamanya. Sebab fikrah islamiyah tu yang penting...

Lagi satu, tambahan untuk point bagi mereka yang dalam proses mentakwin, ingin sekali saya nasihatkan agar jangan terburu-buru. Jangan terburu-buru melabel anak usrah 'fail' sekiranya mereka sepertinya masih tarik tali ataupun terlalu mengikut telunjuk (baca: dependent) setelah dua tahun lebih mengikuti usrah. 

Kalau yang baru dua sem ikut usrah tu lagi la kan...jangan dok expect tinggi sangat kat dia, nanti boleh jadi kes memetik buah sebelum masak pula. Kalau nak takwin dia untuk menderu dalam masa setahun tu, kena set mind & mu'ayashah lebihlah (tak kata pun tak possible hehe)

Hello, kita sendiri dulu pun lepas 4 tahun berusrah, mungkin waktu itu baru punya kesedaran nak menyampaikan...(Wahh, macam kes saya, dapat SH tak rasa apapun wahaha -___-)

Tolonglah jangan sesekali give up dengan mad'u. Sedih kowt kalau tetiba kita hilang permata-permata yang dah disentuh ni. Take good care of them, jaga ukhuwah like any good human being would do :) Give them a lot of chances to shine their way, okay ?

Kerna selepas itu, pasti ! Kita pasti akan mengimbau kembali saat-saat kita membuat keputusan sepanjang dalam DnT.  (Ni semua cakap dari pengalaman)

'Ala kulli haal, I've made my mind that I want to utilize this strength that I have, which is writing... for the betterment of the ummah. And so, I want to keep writing blog post as long as I can. 

Not that there's a lot of readers out there anymore, but ya know what, we can never stop doing amar makruf & nahi mungkar till the day we die. 

Who knows, this might be the only platform I ever had to gain pahala while my life is ticking away closer to death, every single second. 

Eyh?

Allah :)

Kami BFG & Kami OK

Somebody suggested that tagline on our last weekend BFG's getaway. 

Would love to put a video I captured on that day here, but I guess that won't be appropriate at all. 

Andd, guess what ? Yesterday, dear ukht who asked me my 5-year plan, gave me a recording titled "Agar Tidak Berguguran di Jalan Dakwah" mp3. 

InshaAllah will definitely try listening to that recording, and as she suggested, I will take my time to have a discussion with her biidzniLlah :)

Allah bless you for all these little things ukht ! 

The above title will try to break this mythos going on that BFG balik-balik Mesia, jadi senyap. Haha not going to justify any of that in this blog. 

Gotta take step towards knowing that, by actually contacting the BFG's themselves  ;)

Ketahuilah dalam dunia DnT ini, setiap dai'e terutamanya ex-murobbi/ah adalah orang yang pertama-tamanya yang akan cuba bertahan dan melalui ujian-ujian Allah yang akan menapis manusia-manusia yang ikhlas di jalanNya ini.

Jadi wahai akhawati fillah,

ضع الله نصبَ عينيك وقل وافعل ما يرضي الله فسيرضى عنك الصالحون والعقلاء، وقد تخسر من قيمهم مغلوطة أو عقولهم صغيرة

Letakkan Allah pada pandangan matamu, ucapkanlah dan lakukanlah perkara yang diredhai Allah, maka engkau akan diredai oleh orang-orang baik dan berakal. Namun, kemungkinan kamu akan kerugian oleh kerana penilaian manusia yang silap dan akal manusia yang kecil. 

Letting Go

Pesan ukhti,

"Let go".

Lalu hatinya berbisik, "Inilah masanya". Lalu dia tinggalkan masa masanya yang terhenti di benua sana, dan memulakan semula hidup di masa semasa...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alhamdulillah minggu lepas, aku bertemu lutut dengan lutut semula dengan mereka-mereka yang pulang dari tanah tumpah tarbiyah kami. 

Ironi, daripada jumlah yang banyak-banyak itu, Allah temukan kami dalam bulatan 7 orang sahaja. 

Rancangan Allah, bukan ?

Sepertinya pengisian-pengisian yang diberi lebih kepada curhat. Ahhh nikmat,

tahu ? 

Setiap dari kami, masing-masing dari tempat yang jauh. 

Perak, Kedah, Terengganu, Johor dsb. 

Ku kira mungkin di sebalik ini ada hikmah yang tersembunyi, dan ternyata Allah itu Perancang yang Terbaik. 

Ku temui butir-butir mutiara dan logam yang takpernah ku temui sepanjang mengenali mereka di sana. 

Ironi, bukankah ini semua membuatkan aku terpaut semula dengan memori sana? 

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah, pertemuan kali ini aku bisa mengenali seorang ukht lebih dekat. 

Seorang anthropologist. 

Ya, aku suka dengan manusia yang jurusannya dalam bidang sains sosial. Kerna aku tahu cara pemikiran mereka begitu berbeza dari kebanyakan manusia yang ku kenali. 

Dia ini, sungguh mengajarkan diriku apa itu erti menggunakan wang sebaiknya. 

Dia ini seperti makhluk satu dalam seribu. Bisa lakukan perkara tanpa "give in" kepada pressure. Allah allah !

Syukur, Allah temukan aku dengan dirinya. Walaupun sekejap, alhamdulillah :))

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pesan makcik Mee randomly, 

"Mati dalam ketaatan kepada Allah jauh lebih baik adalah daripada hidup menderhakai Allah swt". 

Sekarang ni, aku fikir yang utamanya, aku mahu mati dalam iman. 

Above everything else, yes that's what I really want. 

عيش عزيزاً وموت شهيداً